I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
where am i from again
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Pants are for mortals
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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