I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
well you can't waste a boner
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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