At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
