Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
