dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
