It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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