just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I have aggressive nipples.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
