I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
