my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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