I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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