I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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