i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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