Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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