tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
