making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
