I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
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He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".