I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.