I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?