Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!