Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

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  (604): I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/rlh2
  Replies (16) Good night (1054) Bad night (4668)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

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  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (12156) Bad night (1310)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.

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  (217): It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol. http://tfl.nu/d6go
  Replies (3) Good night (3186) Bad night (988)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

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  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4483) Bad night (993)
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  (212): View more from New York

  The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.

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  (212): The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line. http://tfl.nu/abdb
  Replies (5) Good night (3044) Bad night (1272)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

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  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4568) Bad night (958)
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  (909): View more from California

  At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains

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  (909): At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains http://tfl.nu/rchm
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (2252)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal

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  (219): I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal http://tfl.nu/2jng
  Replies (5) Good night (1859) Bad night (707)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.

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  (617): I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B. http://tfl.nu/c1l3
  Replies (4) Good night (1106) Bad night (2801)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
  Replies (15) Good night (1468) Bad night (838)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.

  (1-414): View more from Wisconsin

  That is like, the point of shorts

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  (414): Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard. (1-414): That is like, the point of shorts http://tfl.nu/qcbf
  Replies (5) Good night (1360) Bad night (769)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.

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  (256): Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive. http://tfl.nu/eyz9
  Replies (8) Good night (831) Bad night (485)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.

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  (541): I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do. http://tfl.nu/nqe0
  Replies (1) Good night (801) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there

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  (732): he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there http://tfl.nu/19cw
  Replies (3) Good night (214) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?

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  (870): Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet? http://tfl.nu/5euz
  Replies (1) Good night (253) Bad night (554)

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