exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
