hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
