I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
