His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize