Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
