"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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