is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
