I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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