no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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