I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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