so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
