dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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