Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
