what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
