and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
