It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
