You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
