It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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