bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
