My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
