It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
