Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Someone shit on the floor
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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