you didnt know i had herpes?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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