): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
