I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
