I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
