Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
