trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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