physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
