he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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