Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
