My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
