I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
