I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
