I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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