No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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