Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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