i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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