the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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