i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
