she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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