im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Success! We fucked roommates!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
