just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
