Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
