Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
