you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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