He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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