I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
