Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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