I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
