don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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