I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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