The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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