kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
