Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
