how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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