No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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