the new term for farting is butt boxing.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
